They Went Home by Maya Angelou

They went home and told their wives,
that never once in all their lives,
had they known a girl like me,
But… They went home.

They said my house was licking clean,
no word I spoke was ever mean,
I had an air of mystery,
But… They went home.

My praises were on all men’s lips,
they liked my smile, my wit, my hips,
they’d spend one night, or two or three.
But…

Maya Angelou

Women Make It Easy For Men To Cheat

I know that many of you may have developed strong feelings just by reading the title of this article and after reading it  some of you will agree and some will not.  I can deal with that, I just hope you will learn something.  I truly believe that as women we make it easy and possible for men to cheat.  It all begins with the other woman, side piece, jump off, or whatever they are called.  If you know that a man is married or in relationship don’t settle on being his mistress.  When I hear women say that they don’t care about a man’s relationship status it disturbs my soul.  Nowadays everyone is looking out for themselves and don’t care who will end up being hurt by their actions.  It is wrong to enter into any kind of relationship with a taken man.  By doing so you are asking for trouble, pain, and heartache.  Now, if you are unaware of that info it is okay and you are a victim of his dishonesty as well.  However, if you find out  later in the relationship and continue to creep you are to blame as well.  On the flip side of things, wives and girlfriends also contribute in making cheating easier for men.  When you place most of the blame on the other woman for wrecking your home, rather than confronting your man he will not grasp the severity of his actions.  Realizing that there are minimal or no consequences for his infidelity will encourage him to continue being unfaithful.   Continuing to easily forgive your mate every time you become aware of his cheating will also encourage him to keep doing dirt.  You do not have to end a relationship over cheating but there need to be changes made in order  to get over the infidelity.   Stop making it so easy for these men to misuse and manipulate women.  Place the blame where it belong and stay away from unavailable men.  If we, as women, begin respecting one another and having each other back instead of  hating on each other and stabbing each other in the back  I guarantee there will be less cheating going on.  As women, we are blessed with power; just imagine what we could accomplish if we unite all that power.  I understand that if a man’s heart is not pure and he wants to do dirt, he will; nevertheless, women don’t have to make it so easy for them to do so.  We all deserve the best and you should not be satisfied with being second best nor should you be content having half of a commitment from your spouse.  It is up to us to change the game.

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

When you are hit with the blow of infidelity the emotional pain can hurt so much that it can also hurt physically.  When you are filled with this much pain you start to wonder how to stop the pain and some of us start to wonder how can we exact the same pain to those that hurt us.  That is the reason why some people participate in affairs and one night stands of their own.  The problem with engaging in unfaithful behavior just to get revenge is that you will only make things more confusing, difficult, and create more problems.  You will continue to feel heartache along with other unpleasant emotions.  When you are betrayed you must remember that it is your mate’s wrongdoing and not your fault.  Do not allow the incident to change who you are and compromise your morals.  Lowering yourself to their standards will not erase the incident and neither will it erase the pain, shame, or any other emotions you may develop due to being cheated on.  Instead of committing your own scandalous act of infidelity find more productive ways to heal.  Yes, you want those that hurt you to hurt as well; nevertheless, you must let it go and give it to God.  Once you are aware of  your partner’s infidelity it is up to you to figure out what to do next.  Work through your pain, search your soul, and do the right thing because two wrongs don’t make a right.

Hot Topic of the Week- Cheating (continued)

As apart of our Surviving the Heat series last week we focused on cheating.  Since infidelity is such a hot topic we have decided to extend our focus on the topic.  Unfaithfulness is the #1 cause of break-ups, heartaches, and cause of mistrust in many relationships.  Sistas are worrying about this day in and day out.  Whether you are the one cheating or being cheated on, there is a lot of emotion involved.  Hey Soul Sistas wants to give you information to deal with all the issues that come along with cheating.

Hot Topic of the Week- Cheating

Hot Topic of the Week – Cheating

As we continue with our Surviving the Heat topic of the month we have come to a topic that many deal with but would much rather not.  This week the hot topic is Cheating.  Infidelity is such a hot topic that relationships have been ruined just from talking about it.  Hey Soul Sistas understands that cheating is a highly sensitive subject; nonetheless, we believe that  discussing it  be makes it easier to deal with.  Our mission is to assist sisters in making their lives better in every way and we will post articles,hold forums and discussions, and do all that we can to help educate women about how to deal with cheating, how to avoid cheating, and how to  tell if your spouse is cheating.  Hey Soul Sistas also believes that it takes the effort of a sisterhood to really make a difference; which is why we need you and your thoughts, opinions, and participation.  If you have any suggestions for this week’s topic, suggestions for another hot topic, comments, or questions please feel free to contact us through our Facebook page or you can email us at heysoulsistas1@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to check out our website at http://www.Heysoulsistas.com.  New articles coming soon.  Thank You.

Baby Daddy Mama Drama

One of the most heated issues in our society is the drama surrounding baby daddys  and mamas.  For some reason people have kids and when they break up the drama begins.  This week our hot topic will be “Baby Daddy Mama Drama.”  There are so many sistas dealing with issues with their baby daddy or their man’s baby mama.  This type of drama can be draining for everyone involved but mostly the children.  Hey Soul Sistas will publish articles and hold discussions to help women better deal with the drama.  If you have any information, suggestions, or questions please feel free to contact us at heysoulsistas1@gmail.com.

Love Shouldn’t Hurt

If you have ever been in love you know that sometimes love can hurt so bad emotionally that you actually feel physical pain.  No matter how hard the parties involved try to avoid this, it just can not be stopped.  Although it doesn’t feel good, one knows that the chance of a broken heart comes along with being in love. Along with broken promises, broken trust, and at times a broken ego.  It is natural.  What is not natural in love, is broken bones.  My blood pressure rises whenever I hear a woman say that her spouse only beats her because he loves her. That is a bunch of B.S.  If that is the way they show love I would rather be hated.  Anyone who tells you that they only hit you because they love you is usually insecure.  They will usually are set off by someone looking at you, you wearing something they do not approve of, or you giving someone else too much attention.  You may tell yourself it is just jealousy and he must really love you to go to such extreme; however, the truth is the problem is within him.  He is afraid of failing, of losing you, and of not being enough for you.  Instead of looking inside himself and trying to get help, he blames you from his problems and shortcomings.  You don’t have to take that type of behavior and you don’t deserve to be mistreated.  If you are living in this type of situation you must continue to remind yourself that love shouldn’t hurt like this.  A perfect relationship without flaws does not exist; nonetheless, there is only so much one can or should take.  I understand that it is difficult to let go when you are in love; however, at some point you must realize that love produces many things but not black eyes.

They Are Watching

When domestic violence hits a family it is never expected.  You plan to fall in love and live happily ever after; however, sometimes things do not go that way.  Being a victim of domestic violence is never easy and it comes with a host of problems.  One of those problems is the effects the violence may have on your children.  Whether you are raising boys or girls they will be highly affected by the violence taking place in the home.  I know it is difficult to remove yourself from a violent relationship and there are many reasons for that; however, when your children come into the picture you have to find the strength from somewhere to get out of the situation.  Children that witnesses violence in the home are more likely to act out at school and either be a victim or abuser themselves.  No matter how hard you try to disguise your bruises and cover up the abuse your children is aware that something is wrong.  Just like your kids learn many other things from you they will also learn how to deal with life and relationships from you as well.  Do not allow the cycle to continue.  Although it may be difficult to leave an abusive situation, you have to find the fight in you to move on for your children.  When you feel like giving up and giving in, when you feel there is no reason to go on look into the eyes of your children.  There you will find the strength you need to make changes in your life.

Topic of the Week – Domestic Violence

“Surviving The Heat” is the Hey Soul Sistas feature topic for June and July.   Each week we will focus on the hot topics that women are concerned about, talking about, and stressing over.  This week the focus topic will be domestic violence.  Unfortunately, we all have dealt with domestic violence at some point in our lives: either personally, through our family, or through someone we know.  Domestic violence is a touchy subject that usually isn’t discussed until a tragedy had occurred.  We want to put an end to that.  We believe that by talking about domestic violence maybe victims will realize that they are not alone and they do not have to hide.  We need your assistance in touching as many people as possible. Please help us in our mission to celebrate, educate, and elevate women of color.  Thank You.

Surviving The Heat

As we enter into June I know one of the things on everyone’s mind is surviving the heat that will be hitting us soon.  Throughout my years of counseling, I have noticed that drama and craziness seem to increase as the heat rising.  During these times many of us tend to allow our circumstances get the best of us.  There is no need to be frustrated and anger over situations you can handle.  Hey Soul Sistas would like to make this summer better for you by helping you deal with the heated issues in your life.  Our feature topic for June/July is Surviving the Heat.  Hey Soul Sistas would like to focus on all the topics women are concerned about, discussing, and most of all stressing over.  Which is why we truly need you assistance, support, and participation now more than ever.  We would like for you to tell us what hot topics you would like to be featured and we need you to participate and give your input.  Hey Soul Sistas feels that the only way we can become better women is if we help each other.  None of us have all the answers; which is why we should come together and share the lessons we have learned.  Not every Sista will be your friend, not every Sista will be your enemy; nonetheless, you can learn something from every Sista.  If you have any questions, suggestions, or comments please feel free to contact us at heysoulsistas1@gmail.com.